At first, children often struggle to grasp the basic concepts behind divorce. This can make talking about the divorce a frustrating process for everybody involved. Hopefully, these insights will be able to help you increase your chances of having successful conversations. I believe that, with the right strategy, you can help your children move forward through this challenging process.
Before you read on, you should know that what you tell your children could have an influence on the outcome of your divorce proceedings. Please do not act on any of this as legal advice. It is only general information. In addition, in many cases it is wise to include a mental health professional to assist you with a plan on how best to communicate with your children regarding your divorce.
Approach Conversation as a Process
You should consider setting some long-term goals for your ongoing communications with your children. To the extent possible, an agreed upon process and the information to be conveyed with your spouse is best in most cases. Even if you and your spouse have expected the divorce for some time and even if you are able to approach it with a clear mind, it could still come as a surprise to your kids. That can often result in highly emotional responses to the subject, especially in the first few discussions. Even if it may not seem that way at the time, anything you do to set the groundwork for future conversations is productive,
Assume Your Children’s Level of Understanding Matters
Depending upon your children’s ages and their level of maturity, it could be in your best interest to make sure your children accept your reasons behind the agreements you make with your spouse. You may also want to address the long-term ramifications of their opinions. Besides the fact that this gives your children some agency, it could also have legal benefits.
Illinois courts may take into account a child’s input and personal requests; however, they make up only a part of what a court will consider when making its decisions. If your kids understand the terms that you and your spouse have agreed upon, they may be able to express that understanding if a judge asks for their input.
Inform Rather Than Influence
In certain cases, the court could order a Guardian ad Litem or other type of representative for your child. Guardians ad Litem investigate your child’s situation and in contrast to other types of representatives, may testify in court as a witness. Where a child’s input is sought, it generally is brought to the court’s attention through a Guardian ad Litem. In these cases, it would probably be wise to keep conversations with your children as impartial as possible; and in some cases its best to not discuss anything about a case with a child. In certain cases, an order may be entered that prohibits parents from conversing with their children about the case. Any perceived attempts to influence a Guardian ad Litem, or your children during this process, are likely to be noted.
Once again: If these conversations go slower than you planned, keep at it. It may help to split up the conversation into multiple sessions over a series of days. You may even want to bring visual aids, such as calendars. Give your children the time they need and you will probably prevent a great deal of confusion and conflict further down the road. Please call (312) 621-5234 today for a consultation.
