Published in the Tuesday May 14, 2019 edition of the Chicago Daily Law Bulletin
It is no secret: Ending a marriage is difficult.
Personally, one tool I employ is to tap into empathy and patience to help my clients deal with the problems they have in their divorces. This approach is often helpful when working out how to structure the good times — and summer vacations are certainly a good example.
Remember that this is probably also the first time your client must deal with the emotional and practical effects of giving the kids up for the summer, switching vacation years or alternating weeks and weekends. It can be unsettling dealing with these unknowns.
Let them know you plan to use facts, numbers and schedules to help them plan an agreement that gives their children the opportunity to have a safe, happy and productive break.
Quality time
Most parents look forward to summer as a time when they can deepen their relationship with their children. Vacations are great, but strong relationships grow with time and trust. It could be helpful to point out that some parenting plans have one parent spend a lot more time with the kids over the summer, possibly to counter an imbalance during the school year.
Making sure that children have plenty to do is also often a priority. Regardless of the age of their kids, your clients’ parenting plans should probably contain specific terms about what will keep the children busy and how those activities will be facilitated.
Flying alone
If your and your client’s ex live far away, how the children get back and forth to their destination will probably be a concern. Two big issues are likely to be whom, if anyone, chaperones the kids during transit, who pays for airfare and other related expenses.
You also have quite a few options to suggest if standard parental chaperoning is out of the question, including travel nanny services and airline unaccompanied-minor programs.
Consider how carrier rules might affect the terms in your clients’ agreements when it comes to air travel; unaccompanied children younger than 7 years old can only take direct or nonstop flights on American Airlines, for example. Kids under 5 generally cannot travel alone.
International travel
One of the other major fears parents have surrounding summer breaks — and rightfully so — is that children will not be returned from an overseas trip with the other parent. This is especially concerning when a parent traveling with a child is from another country or has close family abroad. When you handle this issue, you have two opposing forces.
First, you have the facts: Family member abductions are more common than any other type and those involving parents are especially common surrounding divorce. Then, you have the perception: Abductions are always international, and they are always permanent.
Acknowledge the possibilities, but quickly move on to the statistical reality. Abductions are not the norm. In cases where the likelihood is higher, safeguards can be put in place or a court can prohibit travel. With this perspective, a client’s fears may be made a little less scary.
Another issue in this arena is travel to an unsafe region of the world. This has the potential of emotionally charged arguments because the parent advocating for it is often from such an area and has family there. Again, this needs to be considered with an eye toward real versus perceived risks.
Passports and documents
Both parents have to sign off to get a minor a U.S. passport. The exceptions for the two-parent rule are limited, and they probably would not apply before the divorce was finalized. If there is any tension over this topic, negotiations should start early for the greatest chance of resolution.
Some countries require permission documents from unsupervised minors or children traveling with only one parent. The Mexican embassy suggests that minors carry signed, notarized consent letters while traveling. Canada also has strict rules: Single parents need a sole custody document or signed parental release if they are traveling with their children.
Each country is different, but having a notarized letter or official permission form rarely hurts. Try to draft your clients’ letters with specific trip details and up-to-date contact information for the signing parties. Bonus: Detailed letters are typically much easier to persuade your client’s ex to sign. Of course, it makes sense to research each countries specific requirements well in advance of any trip.
Hague Convention
The Hague Convention is an international multilateral treaty, which attempts to protect children from the abduction and retention across international boundaries by providing a procedure to bring about their prompt return.
Invoking its terms is probably not something that your client wants to use, but it could be nice to know that they exist. It is also important to know when the treaty may be effective, as not all countries are signatories to it.
Making the most of your role
Your role will probably be a major determining factor in how you help your clients. Everyone can make a difference, but mediators, personal advocates and specialist advisers all have a territory in which they can do the greatest good.
When mediating a summer break issue, I would focus on facts that benefit or at least affect both parties. Talk about the Hague Convention protecting the child’s best interests, how both parties can work together to get travel documents and how both parents are affected by their children getting older.
As a personal legal representative, you have the opportunity to speak from a position of trust. When you are working out the details of your client’s agreement, you might find several opportunities to reassure your client. Supplying your client with knowledge, and even a few kind words, often goes a long way toward alleviating anxiety.
To conclude, I believe that educating my client and presenting an empathetic position is the best way to understand my client’s priorities and get them the solutions they need. I do this by consistently relating their emotional concerns to the laws and strategies that could protect their children.
I also find that this approach often increases cooperation and efficiency, moving the planning process forward and increasing client satisfaction. Yes, divorce is difficult, but I believe we as lawyers are here to make it easier.
