Published in the Tuesday, February 2, 2021 edition of the Chicago Daily Law Bulletin
By Michael C. Craven and Marla Levie Craven
Michael C. Craven is a family law partner at Harrison & Held LLP. He is a member and officer of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers and has long been fascinated by the world of legal marketing. Marla Levie Craven is the wife of family law attorney Michael Craven. She spent decades as the owner of a marketing consulting company. Many of her clients were law firms and attorneys.
When the pandemic hit, we knew our lives would change. However, we could not imagine the extent to which the pandemic would change our day-to-day lives, nor did we think we would find things to be grateful for from this challenging experience. If we had written this article one year ago, it would sound like pure fiction. Yet this is reality now.
We thought we’d share a tongue in cheek look at how our everyday life has looked during the pandemic. Michael — a busy divorce lawyer, and Marla — his “trying to stay calm” wife and business relations and marketing manager. We have heard many work-life stories from our colleagues, and everyone seems to have been on a roller coaster ride like us. As empty nesters, we feel fortunate that the sounds of e-learning do not grace our home and that Michael’s legal practice has remained steady and busy. In many ways, the pandemic has brought us closer together. We hope our experiences make you smile and, perhaps, remind you of your own light-hearted moments living amid the pandemic.
Our Daily Banter — Anxiety
Marla: My COVID-19 anxiety is high. Almost every day I ask Michael to feel my forehead for temperature — it’s always normal. Early on we ordered an oxygen pulsometer, a thermometer, gallons of hand sanitizer, plastic gloves, a eucalyptus stick to make sure we have our sense of smell and every type of mask known to humankind. Our most recent purchase is a blood pressure cuff. You could say that we are running a mini-clinic from our home. Michael says my fear is exaggerated since he rarely leaves the house. We are so careful that, to date, we have not needed to take a COVID-19 test.
Michael: I have been so careful that I am basically a hermit. I do not even want to go to the doctor for my annual physical exam. Our running joke is that if Marla wants me to do something, she threatens, “Do I have to get ‘the girls’ [our daughters] involved?” The threat doesn’t work, but it makes me laugh.
Personal Space — What’s That?
Marla: I used to have the house to myself during the day, since Michael worked long hours at his downtown office. It hasn’t been an easy transition having him home 24 hours a day. He still works long hours, and the window framing his desk lamp faces the street. All of our neighbors are now familiar with his long work schedule and joke that they “see” that Michael is at the office early in the morning and late into the night.
Michael: Personally, I don’t understand the problem. What could be bad about having an overworked, stressed out, and apparently loud speaking, lawyer at home 24/7? And I do go into my office at Harrison Held once every few weeks!
Working from home — WFH
Michael: In April we converted an extra bedroom into an office for me. I now understand Marla’s experience of running a business out of our home. She used to say she was “never off” because the computer was always within eyesight. I used to come home from work and be able to shut off the office until the next day. Now I feel the same way.
Marla: I have always had a home office, so I am used to all of the maintenance that goes along with it. Michael, not so much. For example, he is not used to paying attention to the printer’s ink levels at his downtown office, so we’ve had a few ink emergencies.
Michael: I didn’t forget, but don’t mention that to Marla.
Michael: One benefit has been the ease of going to court via Zoom. During my “HS” days (a term I coined, it stands for half-suit) Marla often laughs at me walking around the house in my suit coat, tie, and joggers.
Morning Meditation
Marla: After my morning meditation I often hear Michael’s deep sighs (behind his closed door) to blow off stress. I have to work hard to maintain my state of calm after that. I guess it’s a good thing that I meditate so often.
Michael: I’m grateful that after 30-plus years of waking up and leaving immediately for the office, I too have discovered the joys of morning meditation. I now know the pleasure of getting up, making a cup of coffee and watching highly charged political news shows. It jump-starts my anxiety so I’m ready for my day.
Where is Our Privacy?
Michael: I’m a morning person, as is Marla. I especially enjoy the morning quiet, which allows me to focus and get a lot done.
Marla is a very communicative person and she often “needs” to tell me something. It doesn’t really bother me, but I have learned that just shutting the door does not guarantee Marla won’t come in.
Marla: I store my exercise clothes in the closet in Michael’s new office. It seemed that every time I need something from that closet, Michael was in Zoom court. I never thought I would have to plan around divorce court to get dressed.
Michael: Marla can be on a Zoom call at any time of day — for her work or her social life. I am prone to walking in on her, too. I guess we are even.
TV, Newstime and Netflix vs. Netdocs
Marla: Michael’s new best friends are the cable news anchors. I have made a conscious effort to cut back on watching the news and browsing social media for my peace of mind.
Michael: It seems like I’ve watched everything that Netflix has to offer. The other day I realized how much my work and personal lives have blended when I was speaking into the TV voice-activated remote control and requested NetDocs, the name of my firm’s document management system, rather than saying Netflix. Luckily my work files didn’t pop up!
Helpful Hints — Creating a Work Area
In early March, we cleaned up our extra bedroom and converted the room into a makeshift office space. We thought we would only need the office for 30 days until the courts reopened, but here we are in February, almost a year later, and court still takes place over Zoom. The extra space, separate from the more open areas of the house, is especially helpful in helping us keep our work and family lives separate.
Sacred Space
This summer we had a socially distanced drink with a neighbor who works as a psychotherapist, Dr. Monika Sharma. Monika recommended that we make an area of our house into a ‘sacred space’, the place where all the stress stays. This piece of advice has worked wonders in helping us differentiate between our “work” area and our “personal life” area and our home feels so much calmer now. Monika suggested using a corner of a home or even a windowsill if space is limited.
Putting Mindfulness Practice to Work
Spending so much more time together, combined with nowhere to go was stressful for both of us. We were not used to being home with SO much togetherness.
Marla: To deal with the stress, I changed my mindset to think about how lucky I am not to be alone, like so many are, and to be grateful that Michael’s practice has remained successful. Most of all, I realized that his “hermit status” reduced my anxiety about Michael not bringing the virus into our home. My changed perspective has really made me regard our new living arrangement more positively.
Keeping a Semblance of a Routine
Friday nights used to be our date night with a cocktail at the Wildfire bar. Now that we have nowhere to be, our date night starts much earlier, but the tradition is still going strong. The continued tradition has maintained a sense of normalcy in our lives and given us “us” time to exist as a couple.
Points of Gratitude
It’s hard to imagine we could be grateful for anything in such a stressful year, yet we find ourselves especially appreciative for a few key things in our lives. First off, pre-pandemic we considered downsizing; we are now grateful that we did not sell our home. The extra room surely is nice now! We appreciate our strong, long-term marriage and our close relationship with our family. We are grateful that we are still employed. Most of all, we are grateful for our continued health. Luckily, a vaccine is right around the corner. We are so glad that we all made it out of 2020 together, and we wish you, your practices, and your families all the best in 2021.
