Published in the Thursday March 5, 2020 edition of the Chicago Daily Law Bulletin
Marla Levie Craven is the wife of family law attorney Michael Craven. She spent decades as the owner of a marketing consulting company. Many of her clients were law firms and attorneys.
Recently, I was out with a group of women, some I had only just met. One began to share many details about her recent divorce. She told the group her case ended up going to trial and her attorney had to give up his winter vacation with his family. He and his firm litigated and negotiated what she said was a favorable settlement for her. Even with her positive outcome, she began to criticize her lawyer and couldn’t say one nice thing about him.
This prompted me to think about all the many lawyers I know intimately — my husband, my brother, other relatives, close friends and many of the attorneys I have worked with over the years.
I see firsthand how hard they all work. Lawyers spend countless evenings and weekends working hard for their clients. They have missed family vacations, children’s sporting events, ballet recitals, celebratory events and so on.
No matter the area of concentration, most of the lawyers I know take their jobs seriously. Their responsibilities are huge. It could be the business lawyer negotiating an important sale, an immigration lawyer representing parents whose family might never see their child again or a divorce lawyer making sure their client’s children are safe.
The list goes on. Like myself, anyone who has lived with a lawyer has witnessed the higher than normal levels of stress the job comes with.
In a November 2019 Oprah magazine article, a 2018 survey was cited, which claims lawyers take the title of having the loneliest job. “There is no room for weakness. You’re not allowed to say, “‘I’m scared I’m going to lose that hearing . . . ’ and in many specialties, people in crisis are relying on you and you’re bound to confidentiality.”
Notwithstanding, there are still the lawyer jokes about the rich, unscrupulous attorneys and ambulance chasers. And now in the age of social media, every word can be posted, every action videotaped and if you are in a bad mood, you can get a negative review on many different sites, which can be disheartening. Lawyers are even receiving reviews from non-clients or people they don’t know.
I want this article to serve as a pat on the back — reminding you of all the good you do and how you are valued. Interestingly, when I Googled “kudos to attorney” and other similar keywords, the searches came up almost empty, possibly illustrating how undervalued lawyers are.
I mentioned this to Cassandra Friedman, a Northbrook psychotherapist whose patient caseload includes many attorneys, had the following comments, “Being an attorney is not for the faint of heart. In the areas of law where lawyers deal directly with individuals, lawyers are faced with people in their lowest moments of life; most often clients are angry at the world.”
Friedman continued, “My suggestion is that lawyers understand this concept and then depersonalize anything and everything that is said to them or that is written about them.
“Working with people at the most stressful and lowest emotional point of their lives can drain lawyers’ energy. Lawyers need to take care of themselves to try to find balance in their life. Try to find a group of lawyers to check in with once every couple of months to commiserate about the stress brought on by difficult clients and validate each other.”
Considering the importance of the work you do for your clients, and really society in general, I would like to offer you a few words of thanks. Your families are grateful for the hard work you do to support them.
The work sets an example for those that know you, as they witness your devotion to hard work, ethical conduct and fighting for a person or a cause.
Even though not always communicated to you, your clients are grateful for putting their interests in front of yours and appreciative of your advice and insight.
You can take pride in the fact you helped a client during a time of need, having an actual impact on their life, family or business. Keep up the good work.
