Conscious Uncoupling
Gwenyth Paltrow and Chris Martin have been receiving an unusually large amount of attention surrounding their announcement to separate. This attention isn’t stemming from the public’s shock about the decision, but rather about how they have decided to separate – by ‘consciously uncoupling’. While reactions have ranged from confusion to criticism, as a Chicago divorce lawyer, the previously little-known concept is intriguing.
What is conscious uncoupling?
The term, officially coined by marriage therapist Katherine Woodward Thomas in 2009, refers to a mindset to have while ending a relationship. Conscious uncoupling is a way of thinking where both parties in the relationship accept mutual responsibility for the relationship’s ending. The divorce process stays the same when a couple decides to consciously uncouple. A petition for divorce and a settlement agreement are still necessary. However, as divorce lawyers, we see that it can become a much less contentious process. The idea behind the concept is that regardless of how a relationship unwinds, both members have done something to contribute to the downfall of the relationship, whether they initially realize this or not. Once a couple can understand their part in the breakdown, they can address the root from their side, take responsibility for their role and grow as a result of the ending of their relationship. In this way, conscious uncoupling has been described as the members of a relationship being students and teachers. The personal learning in this process helps to better oneself. The belief is that if couples consciously uncouple rather than bitterly or dramatically separate, they will spare themselves a lot of unnecessary pain. Additionally, conscious uncoupling allows for effective and healthy co-parenting.
How does conscious uncoupling affect divorce?
After over 25 years of practicing divorce law in Chicago, I have seen a broad spectrum of divorce cases. While many couples can settle their differences amicably, divorces often encompass a lot of blame and negative emotions. Oftentimes divorce can leave a couple’s relationship full of anger and lacking trust. This can be particularly unhealthy when the couple still needs to raise children together. While it is extremely unusual to have a one hundred percent stress-free divorce, as the concept of consciously uncoupling may suggest, there is some value in the idea. If couples can find a way to more peacefully deal with their divorce, whether that be with conscious uncoupling or another method, they will avoid many more heartaches in their and their children’s future. Although it may not be possible for every couple to have this mindset while going through the divorce process, it is worth considering.
If you have any additional questions about conscious uncoupling, legal separation or divorce, please contact me
