There are many mistakes you can make when dissolving your marriage and they are all understandable. Divorce is an emotional time and usually a new, unexpected experience. However, you can work to avoid the most common errors by partnering with an experienced Chicago divorce attorney and understanding the best steps to take before, during, and after a divorce.
During your divorce, strive to avoid these common mistakes:
- Not Planning for Life After Divorce. A divorce can absorb all of your spare time and energy outside of working and parenting. For months you remain focused on handling the current problem and living day by day. However, a short-sighted view can leave you unprepared for life once the arguments and court battles are over. You need to be ready for the financial, social, and emotional ramifications of your divorce. Once you have your own household, your expenses may go up despite only having one income. You need to be prepared to live on a new budget. Having to share your children’s time can be challenging, but be prepared for nights without your kids. Also, divorce has a way of changing your social circle. Be ready to say goodbye to some old friends and seek out new ones.
- Refusing to Co-Parent. You know your children and their other parent well. If you have genuine concerns about your kid’s safety and wellbeing with their other mom or dad, then we can address these issues in court and fight for you to set up appropriate conditions, limits or protections. However, if you and your ex-spouse agree to a parenting plan or the court allocates both parents parenting time and decision making authority, then you need to do your best to co-parent. Refusing to co-parent when it is best for your kids and necessitated by a court order only makes the situation harder on you and more traumatic for the children. Where appropriate, co-parenting is the best way to ensure you children retain loving relationships with both of you and get through this difficult transition as smoothly as possible.
- Venting on Social Media. More and more attorneys are using online and electronic data as evidence in divorces, including social media posts. If you have social media accounts like everyone else, be careful how you use them once you know you are getting divorced. Your spouse could potentially use your photos, statuses, tweets, and comments to accuse you of cheating, being an unfit parent, or hiding money. Some attorneys recommend you stop using your social media during a divorce. Speak with your attorney if you have concerning social media content.
- Letting Your Emotions Get the Best of You. Divorce is an emotional time and there will be moments when your anger, resentment, or sadness is overwhelming. It is crucial to have a healthy outlet for these emotions so you can deal with your soon-to-be-ex and divorce issues as calmly and objectively as possible. There is no way to ignore or force these emotions away, but you can work to make sure they do not lead you into making poor decisions for you and your kids.
- Keeping Your Children in the Dark. Your children do not need to be privy to all of the details about the divorce, including what led to it and what you and their other parent are fighting about. However, they need to know what is going on and the changes they can expect. Once you and your spouse know the marriage is over and you will be moving forward with a separation or divorce, speak with your kids. Give them age-appropriate answers as to what is happening, why, and how things at home will change. Seeking out assistance from a therapist on the best way to break the news to your children may be helpful.
Do You Need Help with a Divorce?
If you are ready to end your marriage or your spouse has filed for divorce, contact me at (312) 621-5234. I can help you avoid common divorce mistakes and get you through this difficult time as smoothly as possible.
